Happy National Adoption Month! In November, we celebrate the fact that our family was blessed through adoption. Adoption isn’t for everyone, but God does call all to do something about it and help out.
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:27 NIV
At the very least, I think God would like people to be aware of some of the misconceptions surrounding adoption and think before they speak. We love talking to people about our adoption. My son is Chinese, so on mere appearances alone, we can’t really avoid being a poster family for adoption–it’s obvious. I want to talk to you about our adoption because it is one of the best things ever to happen to our family. Because I try to be polite and tactful and not hurt anyone’s feelings, I may not be able to say these things to your face, but you really should know…
- He is “my own.” Yes, another birth mother gave him life. I am thankful to her and pray for her. Words can’t really express how I feel. Perhaps in some ways I should say that he is “ours.” But he is also “mine.” When I adopted my son, I promised that I would take him as my own and never abandon him. If I ever mistreated or left him, I would be held responsible by law, just as any parent would. So by the law and definition, he is mine. I am happy to claim him. It it came down to it, I would die for him. He is mine.
- Yes, we are lucky to have our son. No, he probably isn’t as lucky as you think. Something about the beginning of his life was obviously very unlucky, or we wouldn’t be here together. There is no denying that on some level, he probably is lucky or blessed to be here in America, at least according to other Chinese adults we have talked to. All Americans are lucky for that, not just him. We, his parents, are the truly lucky ones. We have the privilege of calling the most amazing boy our son. It doesn’t matter where he came from, he has blessed us more than we will ever bless him.
- Please don’t use the word “rescue” an orphan. I am not a hero. I didn’t fly in and swoop him up from the bad guys. I don’t wear a cape. I recently talked to a young woman about how much she wanted to adopt because she really thought it would be great to rescue a little girl. Adoption really isn’t about us…it’s about the children. If we want to be a hero, we should become firemen or policemen. If we hadn’t chosen to adopt our son, someone else probably would have because there is a long wait for children from China. More people do need to step up and adopt worldwide, but if that is what we are called to do and we do it, we are simply fulfilling our duty–not being heroes.
- I am so happy that your second cousin got pregnant right after adopting. Yay for them, I say, the more kids the merrier. But if your second cousin was relieved that they had “one of their own” finally, they really need to consider whether or not they should have ever adopted a child in the first place. The very essence of the word adoption means that you take a child in “as your own.” You already had one of your own when you adopted. (See #1) Everyone doesn’t adopt because they can’t have children. Some people actually want to adopt. We thought perhaps we would adopt all of our children, but God had other plans. If He hadn’t, we would have been just as happy. You didn’t need to look and act so shocked when you found out I was pregnant. It was a miracle from God, yes, but all babies are.
Please don’t be offended by my words. When people say these things, it hurts…It feels as if you are telling us that these children we would die for, aren’t really our own. Or that they aren’t just as miraculous as the ones we gave birth to. Or that he needed rescuing. What is worse is that my son, who is already a deep thinker, is taking all this in. He is approaching his tween years, where he will question everything anyway. These words will come back to haunt him and make him question his place in our family even more. Please don’t put doubts in his head. Because he is MINE and I love him. He belongs here with us. This is his home.
I totally understand where you are coming from. I am way more blessed by my daughter that she is by me. And I know – when people make the comments about possibly getting pregnant, it hurts because I can’t. (Like as in miracle new uterus would have to pop into existence.) But I know people are trying to connect, find common ground, be supportive and just don’t understand why it isn’t. My poor daughter asked about a new baby when we said it was our anniversary because she equated it with Adoptiversary which we celebrate for her every year. Broke my heart when I had to tell her no, there won’t be another baby. Being a mom in anyway has been the best adventure though. I am beyond grateful!
Jennifer DeFrates/Heaven Not Harvard recently posted…No Complaints
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story!
So glad you are advocating and celebrating!!!!
Caroline @ In Due Time recently posted…Psalm 68:5 – Sing for Joy – #111
Thanks for reading!
So glad you are advocating and celebrating!!!!
Caroline @ In Due Time recently posted…Psalm 68:5 – Sing for Joy – #111
Yay for being an advocate! You are doing a wonderful job advocating for each and every orphan. 🙂
Brianna @unveiledandrevealed.com
Brianna recently posted…Three Dream-Killers and How to Overcome them
Thanks. I would like for us to do more, but I guess we have to start somewhere!
Happy adoption month. I can imagine there is great joy in your home during the month of November–and with good reason.
Thanks!
You’re totally right! People who have not walked the road of adoption or at least looked into it, can be insensitive. I”m amazed at the comments people make about situations they have no knowledge about. This is a great post to educate those of us who haven’t been down this road! It helps me to relate to them better and NOT say hurtful things. 🙂
Danielle recently posted…How to Find Joy in Motherhood (when you’re discouraged)
Thanks for reading and understanding. I know there are a lot of things I need to be educated about too!
There are many times in life when people don’t consider the words they use. Those used when talking to adoptive families is definitely one of them. What we may consider supportive may be inconsiderate or even insulting. Awareness of these errors go a long way to effecting change. Thanks for the eye opening post.
Mary Collins recently posted…Marvelous Mondays for Free Books–November 9, 2015
Thank you for being open and honest about this! I am close to two families in particular that have each adopted 5 children. They have really opened my eyes to the blessings and struggles of adoption! It is something I greatly admire!
Nicole recently posted…Goals for the Week of November 9, 2015
Thank you. I hope I didn’t scare anyone away with my candidness. Thanks for reading!
Posts like these are so important. So many well-meaning words are said when in fact they are thoughtless and careless. I think we live in a time where we feel we are free to say whatever we like, whenever we like…I remember reading what a pastor friend wrote on Facebook about the fact that just because we have the liberty to use whatever words we choose doesn’t mean we have to always use them! Oh that we would be wiser before we speak!
Helen recently posted…Coming Soon….A Christmas Devotional! {Joy to the World}
I think people generally don’t think before they speak, and even the most well-meant sentiments come across as insensitive.
Melanie recently posted…Alphabet Rhyme Pack
<3 It is so important to share these truths with people. I have nine adopted siblings and it's crazy the things some people say about them/adoption/my parents. Educating people on what not to say/what to say is vital!
Susannah recently posted…Are You in Need of a Change?
When I was young I had cancer, long story short we have never been sure if I can have children. My mom has taught me since I was very young “some babies are born from our bodies some babies are born from our hearts”. This is a great post sharing the realities of adoption. It’s beautiful thank you!
That is so true. There was a popular graphic at the time we adopted that was a little ultrasound image in the shape of China. There really is no difference in our hearts. I don’t think about my son being different when I look at him. I just thing he is awesome. May you continue to stay healthy and have children in whatever way the Lord chooses to bless you!
I think adoption shows great love!!! My sister-n-law and brother-n-law are in the process of adopting three teenage girls! When I think about it I weep for joy because I believe it is the greatest thing! Our family has pledged to help them in any way they need it! It is a whole family affair! God Bless you and your family:)
Lisa Morris recently posted…Did You Know “BUT” is a Grace Word?
I think adopting teens takes on a whole new level of devotion! We would love to adopt a slightly older child one day, but it is scary because it would change the whole family dynamic. God bless them and you!